September 10, 2026
Friend, there's something on my mind.
Thinness culture feels like something that's everywhere, and you can't avoid it no matter how hard you try. There's so much out there about GLP-1's, the best anti-inflammation diet, sticking to an everyday exercise program, and on and on it goes.
I'll admit that I also let it get to me. Especially now as I'm learning how to make my own clothes, I've been noticing how most "beginner" sewing patterns are really just patterns for a thin body. A body I certainly do not have.
To add on, I've been going to the doctor a lot more lately. Not because anything is acutely wrong, but rather, because I strongly suspect I have a chronic illness that desperately needs diagnosing. So I've been taking a very hands-on approach to all the doctor's reports, scheduling appointments, etc.
And every single time, there's not one, not two, but SEVERAL comments on my weight. As if being skinny would fix my sleep issues.
It's brutal out here.
At the same time, I've been day dreaming about good things. Great things. I've been thinking about the kind of future I want, and what a day-in-the-life looks like when I reach the top of the proverbial mountain.
In between all the daydreaming, I've realized that being small is not something I'm working towards.
In fact, I'm aiming towards big and vast. If I want to reach millions of people, I must have a confident voice, a purposeful message, a large platform. I must take up space.
In this daydream, it became so clear that there was a profound incongruence in these desires of mine. Wanting a small physical body, while at the same time wanting a large presence felt dissonant.
Here's the thing: this cultural obsession with thinness is a blatant, explicit, control rhetoric used to keep us distracted. When we're overly focused on getting smaller and becoming more "desirable," we have less time to organize, think, and create.
That's a good enough reason to shed thinness culture all on it's own. But there's something deeper we have to pay attention to. We must recognize that someone's size, weight, shape, etc. are not moral or intellectual indicators of any sort.
We must become neutral around body size if we are to focus on our true desires that go beyond aesthetics.
I'm actively in the process of recognizing that my body will, very likely, not get smaller or thinner. I have my grandmother's hips, and I love them very much. My shoulders are broad, and I stand strong. Even if I do all that the doctors tell me, it is very likely that I will, in fact, grow larger will lean muscle and stronger bones.
And, perhaps, this is exactly the kind of body that will be ready to hold the levels of visibility, wealth, and success that I so desire.
Friend, I've been thinking about this a lot, and the pieces are finally starting to click together.
Because, truthfully, I do not think that my body at it's smallest possible size would be able to hold all that I'm asking for. Being underfed, exhausted by constant movement, and obsessing over every single weight change, would require me to abandon my focus from my true goals. It would mean letting the patriarchy and fascism win the battle over my body and mind.
I've begun to shift my focus over to strength. My body is my home, my foundation, and I'm working towards protecting it holistically. And let me tell you, this is way more fun.
When I train and focus on what my body can do-- the weight I can lift, the moves I can make, the coordination I can keep-- I feel superhuman. I am reminded that my body is quite extraordinary, much like the rest of me.
I leave the session feeling empowered and capable. Ready to pour my mental energy into my soul's purpose. I feel grounded in my message and my capability to deliver it with strength and conviction.
In becoming neutral around my size, I am able to focus on providing my body with loving care. I speak kindly towards it when I'm doing a difficult move or lifting heavier than usual. I congratulate myself on sticking it through, and listening to discomfort.
In becoming neutral around my size, I am able to focus on my message and my actions. I release the worry about how I look like doing something, and focus that energy into the feelings I transmit as I'm doing something.
So, I'm choosing to release any goal of becoming "smaller" that I may have unconsciously set. It is no longer my focus or priority. I will not let it steal any more of my valuable time, energy, and focus.
Instead, I look forward with excitement for all that lies ahead in the strengthening of my body and mind. The more I care for and honor my body's capabilities, the greater a force of nature I become. I am able to ask for more, receive it, and hold it.
I am so ready.
Stay Strong,
Jace
